The “S” Word

marriage

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church . . . Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. — Ephesians 5:22-25

“Is Daddy your boss?” my daughter, eleven at the time, asked me one day when we were in the car.

“No,” I emphasized carefully. “Why do you ask?”

“Because . . . every time I ask you something, you say that you have to talk to Dad first.”

Taking a deep breath, I answered, “Well, honey, that’s because your dad and I are partners. I will not make a decision that affects you, your brother, or our entire household without first consulting him, and vice versa.” I told her that, as husband and wife, her father and I were accountable to each other.  I used the “s” word (i.e., submission) and explained that, though he was the leader of our family (a.k.a. head of household), it was only right for us to talk about decisions first. “Not doing so would be disrespectful,” I added. I was sure my voice was calm . . . at least I think it was. Inside I was fuming. Not because she had done anything wrong. Rather, the question had struck a nerve. I thought, What in the world am I doing to make this child think that David Sanders is my boss!

When we got home, I told my husband about the conversation. I’m not sure what I was expecting. Perhaps, subconsciously, I wanted him to have a talk with her and repeat what I said to add validity to my words that we were both accountable to each other. Whatever my motive was, it backfired. My husband laughed as I was telling him the story, including my thoughts. “Yeah, I’m her boss,” he playfully yelled across the hall. Both he and Tia cracked up. Not funny! I said something sarcastic and, in my mind, I started making plans about how I was going to insert my independence so that everyone knew I was controlled by no one.

For several hours, I thought about things I would do without “asking” to prove my point. It wasn’t until I was getting ready for bed that I felt the Lord convicting me of my attitude. He showed me that I was dealing with pride. Everything I told Tia was true. My husband and I do consult each other when it comes to decisions, but why did I feel the need to explain it so craftily? My words themselves were not incorrect. It was the spirit in which I said them. My motive wasn’t to teach her about healthy communication between a husband and wife. It was to make sure she clearly understood that submission wasn’t one-sided because I didn’t want her thinking I was a punk and that her daddy was my boss!

I was forced to admit that my I-am-woman-hear-me-roar attitude was foul. Not only did I admit this to myself, but also to my daughter and husband. For months (maybe even years) after that, Tia would tease me. She’d say things like, “Mom, what are we having for dinner? Oh, wait, you gotta ask Dad first.” I would laugh and call her a brat. Years later, I asked her if she thought her father and I set a positive example of marriage. She said “yes,” and stated one of her reasons was because we talked about things. I smiled.

Now, this isn’t to say that David Sanders and I have the perfect marriage. Um, not! We have both acted foolishly in the past. Like the Bengals in the last playoff game against the Steelers, we fumbled the ball big time. We continue to grow in our knowledge of the Word, our relationship with God, and in our relationship with each other. The key was not necessarily me submitting to my husband’s leadership. Rather, it was my submission to God. In fact, it’s the key for both my husband and me. Neither husband nor wife will be able to walk out the Scriptures in Ephesians if they don’t first submit to the Lord. It’s only then that submission doesn’t seem like a bad word.

Weigh in. What are some reasons why you may struggle with submission? (Note: Feel free to share about submitting in areas other than in marriage (e.g., at work).

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Anticipatory Praise

praise

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. – 1 John 5:14-15

One of my favorite comedy shows is King of Queens. Though it has been off the air for over eight years, I still watch the re-runs and I even have the DVD set of the entire series. To my knowledge, there is not a single episode that I haven’t seen. Yet, whenever I watch the show, I laugh as though it’s my first time seeing that particular episode. Sometimes I begin laughing before a scene because I already know what will happen. My laugh is anticipatory in nature.  It happens because my mind recalls something hilarious that the characters will say or do. I react in advance because I know what’s coming based on my history of watching the show.

When it comes to our relationship with God, we also have a history. The Word tells us that He’s our provider (Philippians 4:19), healer (James 5:15), protector (Psalm 91:1-3), deliverer (John 8:36), and more! If you’ve had any type of encounter with Him at all, then you know these things to be true. Yet, when faced with new circumstances about which we are uncertain, there’s a tendency to be fearful instead of faithful.

While fear is a natural emotion, it should not overtake us. The Word says that He has given us a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). It’s hard to have a sound mind when we’re constantly worrying about our circumstances. Based on what we already know about God, we should be able to praise Him in advance. We may not know the specifics about how He will work things out or when, but because of our relationship with Him we do know that He will.

Anticipation is a realization in advance that something will take place. Do you really believe that God will come through for you? Or, has the enemy planted doubts in your mind that, perhaps, this is the one time God will fail you? Don’t buy into those lies. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Reflect on the things He’s already done for you. Now allow those things to propel you into anticipatory praise, knowing that, whatever your situation, you will be victorious when all is said and done because He has already worked things out for your good!

Think about the situations that have been holding up your praise. What’s stopping you from letting go and getting your praise on regardless of how things look now?

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Short-Term Memory

Then He went up into the boat to them, and the wind ceased. And they were greatly amazed in themselves beyond measure, and marveled. For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hardened.Mark 6:51-52 NKJV

At the end of Mark, we learn that a storm began to rage while the disciples were separated from Jesus. He walked on water to come to their rescue, but they were troubled by this. They thought it was a spirit. Jesus got into the ship and the wind ceased. They were “greatly amazed.” Verse 52 states, “For they had not understood about the loaves, because their heart was hardened.”

The reaction of the disciples is interesting to me. They had just witnessed a miracle prior to this incident. Immediately before getting into the ship, they saw Jesus feed 5000 plus people with five loaves of bread and two fish. Think about the magnitude of that miracle. For real, I don’t care how much I pray and break bread into pieces, it will only go so far. But, when Jesus did it, not only was everyone full, but they had leftovers! Why, then, were the disciples so surprised when Jesus walked on water, got into the ship, and the wind ceased? The power He manifested should not have been a shock to them. Not only had He performed the miracle with the food, but in Mark 4, we learn about another storm they were in that Jesus handled with three simple words, “Peace, be still!” (Mark 4:35-41).

It’s easy to read the Gospels and point out all the faults of the disciples, but we must be honest in that, the disciples represent us. How many times in our own lives has God done what seemed impossible, but when the next “big” situation comes against us, we wonder if He’ll be able to fix things this time? When He does come through, we are “greatly amazed” as if the power He manifests is an anomaly and not the norm.

Life is full of ups and downs. There will be things that are guaranteed to frighten us or test our faith and we won’t know how to handle them. We must not forget all that Jesus has done for us previously. Reflecting on such will help us go through our new trials with courage and confidence in the fact that He is able to handle whatever comes our way. When He does, we won’t be amazed because we weren’t sure it would happen. We will be able to celebrate what He has done because we knew that, eventually, all would be well because we serve a God who is able to do the impossible.

What are some things you can do to prevent having short-term memory when it comes to God’s ability to perform miracles in your life?

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Proper Nutrition

girl_youarewhatyoueat Matthew 16:6;12: 6Then Jesus said to them, Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and the Sadducees.’ 12Then they understood that He did not tell them to beware of the leaven of bread, but of the doctrine of the Pharisees and Sadducees.”

I like these two pictures so much that I have had them hanging in my home for nearly a decade. The words on the paper say, “You are what you eat.” I love the symbolism of the children feasting on the Word. It’s a reminder to me of the necessity of spiritual nourishment.  When we fail to feed our spirits with godly things, it will show in our thoughts, our words, and eventually our actions.

Have you ever known someone who, at one time, was “on fire” for Jesus and then years later he/she cooled off? I think of a dear friend whom I met about a year or so after I’d given my life to Christ. She was a great inspiration to me. According to Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron…” and I can say with certainty that my friend helped to sharpen me. We continued to talk throughout the years from time-to-time and one day she told me that she was questioning the legitimacy of Jesus and the authenticity of the Bible. She had doubts about salvation. I was shocked and yet I had compassion for her at the same time. I knew she was speaking from a place of pain. She’d recently been hurt by “church folk” and that experience caused her to question everything she’d ever believed. Fast forward five or six years and she’s still in that place of unbelief and searching for the “truth.”

I love my friend dearly and I will forever be grateful for the role she played in strengthening my walk with God. I also pray that one day she will come back to Him. It feels like a personal failure for me not to have the words that will change her heart. Deep down I know that changing her heart is not a job for me. Maybe God is using my continued walk with Him to speak to her. The fact is, I don’t know. However, there are several things I do know…

I know that it’s possible for any of us, no matter how much we claim to love God, to draw away from Him if we start feeding our spirits with the wrong things.

I know that negative thoughts are dangerous if they are allowed to linger.

I know that actions speak louder than words, so if I really want people to “hear” me, I have to live out this gospel that I believe. I won’t have to “preach” about being a follower of Jesus because people will see that I am through the way I carry myself.

I know that there are many things that happen in life that can make us wonder where God is and why He’s allowing certain things. Yet…

I know that it’s essential to trust Him because ultimately, He is sovereign.

I know that when I fall short, and inevitably I will, I must not wallow in any failures or mistakes because doing so is contrary to His word.

I know that spiritual malnourishment is a real thing.

I know that there is no substitute for God.

Ultimately, I know that I don’t want to live my life without having a relationship with Him. Romans 8: 38-39 tells us that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. I want the same to be true in reverse. I never want any person or situation to affect me so that I turn completely away from believing in God and the Word that has brought me through so many crises.

In Matthew 16, Jesus warned the disciples against believing in the doctrines of the Pharisees and Sadducees. We, too, must be careful not to believe in ideologies that will cause us to stray from God. All of us will undoubtedly experience things that will shake our faith, but there must be enough biblical nutrition in us that we won’t fall. Entertaining the wrong thoughts or doctrines too long will eventually infect our walk with God. What have you been feeding your spirit lately?

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Strong-willed

strong-willed2

Luke 22:42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

It seems like my biggest obstacles are spiritual and occur when I struggle between God’s will and mine. Am I the only one willing to admit that there are times when I don’t want to surrender to God? For instance, have you ever experienced a cashier with an attitude and you want to tell her about herself and then some, but a scripture like Psalm 19:14 pops in your mind, “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer?” Your flesh says to get with her, but His spirit says no and you’re left with the quandary of doing what you want versus what He commands.

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In Luke 22, Jesus was faced with a similar dilemma. Moments before He was taken and ultimately led to His crucifixion, knowing what was ahead, He prayed, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Can you imagine the anguish He must have felt knowing He was about to die unjustly? Yet, despite His flesh being resistant, His ultimate will was to please the Father.

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Pleasing the Father is what we should strive to do as well. It should be our strongest desire. God will never require us to die in order to save all mankind. That task has already been completed. However, He will require us to die to ourselves, giving up our will for His. This can hurt, especially for strong-willed people like myself. Sometimes we think we know best or we’re afraid of how things will turn out if they’re not done our way. Whether it’s something simple or a major life-changing decision, we have to surrender and remember that God sees everything from a different perspective than we do. Giving up control can hurt at first, but the end result will be much better because we have obeyed God.

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What situation are you currently dealing with? What does His word say about it? Are you willing to let go of the steering wheel and let God lead the way?

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